The Continuing sage of Dax and Kahn
by Willowrs
Summary: Dax gives in to temptation and goes after Lenara. Complete!
1. Chapter 1

Dax had stood on the second level of the promenade for what had seemed like an age after Kahn had boarded the transport ship, almost convincing herself that this was all part of some sick joke. Once she realised for certain that Lenara would not be coming back she had left for her duties at Ops in an effort to carry on as normal, though on the inside she was one large tangled knot of pain.

Dax spent her shift in grateful silence, luckily with no major incidents arising that would have required her attention. Major Kira kept an eye on her friend knowing that though she may appear to be her usual self, it was probably not the case, only twice in the entire shift did Kira see Dax's resolve falter, briefly allowing a lone tear to trail down her face unhindered. It was only her many accumulated years and her own firm grip on her emotions that enabled her to complete her duties at all. Once their shift had ended, Dax made a relieved beeline for her quarters trying to uphold an outward air of professionalism was the only thing that stopped her from running all the way there. Once inside the Science Officer locked the doors and went over to the porthole where Lenara had stood only a day or so previously, a resonating howl of anguish escaped her as she slid slowly to the deck and sobbed uncontrollably for several long minutes, allowing grief for the loss of Kahn from both herself and Torias to spill out.

Kira, on Sisko's suggestion had followed Dax back to her quarters; and had reached the doors in time to hear her cry of inconsolable grief. She waited for a few minutes until the worst of it had seemingly died down, knowing that her friend was not one to openly broadcast her emotions, even to her closest friends, before approaching the door and requesting entry. For awhile Kira was unsure that Dax would even reply and that, understandably, she was being ignored. "Jadzia…its Nerys, please let me in?" she pleaded using her first name, in the hope that it would make her seem more neutral. Eventually the doors chimed that she could enter. She walked into the unlit room and found Dax curled up into a corner of the sofa. Kira walked over and sat next to her, placing both hands to either side of Dax's face who looked into her eyes sorrowfully before collapsing into her friends caring embrace in an uncharacteristically emotional outpour, and sobbing once more, though quieter and calmer now, her immediate gut wrenching grief already having been expelled. Kira's heart went out to her friend, though truthfully she was a little worried about Dax's reaction as it seemed so completely unlike her usually serious yet joyous and rather mischievous young friend.

A seemingly short while later Dax sat up and wiped her eyes, moving a hand up to wipe the stray tears from Kira's face that had quietly been shed in sympathy for her friend. "I really needed that…thank you, for being such a good friend Nerys!"

Kira looked at her "You know I will fully support you in anything you chose to do" she began "I completely disagree with the Trill symbiosis commissions rules, if you love someone you should be free to follow your heart" she added vehemently "I've spent the best part of my life in war zone's, enough to know that when you find someone, you hold on! And as much as I like Dr Kahn, I think she's completely insane to have let you go Jadzia!" she added "Though from seeing how she felt about you, it can't have been an easy decision for her to have had to make." She said after a pause for thought.

Dax gave a weak smile "No, I don't truly believe she made her decision rashly or without great thought and heartache, she was so scared and unsure of the commission and of the laws…and exile…it's such a final punishment, if you take that step, you can't ever turn back to Trill, you can't change your mind in that regard…and it's not something you should decide to do lightly, in the long run, she probably had more to lose than I did!" she paused briefly "But that doesn't stop it from hurting, from feeling like I wasn't good enough for her, that I was never going to be no matter what I did, and now it's like I'm a partial person, that there's a huge hole inside of me, that only she can fill…no matter how logically you look at it, that's how I feel." Kira nodded in understanding pulling Dax back into their embrace.

Now, a month later, Major Kira Nerys stood on the promenade watching her friend Cmdr Jadzia Dax over on the far side, leaning despondently on a railing almost hidden by the shadows of the muted lighting that marked the linear night on the station, half-heartedly watching the other inhabitants pass by. Kira sighed; her heart went out to the young Trill, ever since Dr. Lenara Kahn, a previous hosts wife had returned to the Trill home world after spending some time on the station doing tests on her artificial wormhole theory, Dax had been spending more time alone, which in itself, was highly unusual of the enigmatic and personable young woman, who at 32 and being part of a joined species, had already lived through more life times than most could even dream of. She'd managed to continue exuding a façade of having dealt with her loss, though it failed to convince any of the senior staff, and if anything she had thrown herself even more completely into her work, and often spending several hours a night running anomaly scans in Ops in an effort to relax enough so as to be able to fall into a somewhat fitful sleep. Kira couldn't stand there anymore just watching her so quietly engulfed by her pain, she pushed off from the railing she'd been leaning against and set off for Dax's side. "Hey" she quietly greeted the Trill as she came to stand beside her, absentmindedly mimicking her position, leaning on the railings.

Dax turned her azure blue gaze upon her friend "Hey Kira" she said attempting to sound a little more upbeat than she currently felt, before returning her gaze to Quark's raucous patrons, who were starting to spill over onto the promenade as closing time approached.

Kira considered her options thoughtfully before voicing the questions raging inside her head. "If you don't mind me asking, why didn't you follow her?" she asked quietly "I mean, you told me you love her…?"

"More than anything" replied Dax carefully as she struggled to keep her voice neutral "I didn't follow, because" she paused, taking a deep breath to contain her emotions before continuing "I felt she had the right to make her own decision…I didn't think that she'd make the choice to leave though" Dax regarded her friend with glistening eyes "Nerys, what have I done?" she whispered her voice cracking ever so slightly as she turned to face Kira fully, lightly gripping her shoulders.

Kira let her hand come up and gently brush the side of Dax's face "What you felt you had to, what you felt was right…for her. Jadzia, did you even think about what you really wanted? I know you asked her to stay, but were you ever willing to consider that her answer might be no?" she said "were you ever willing to accept that as her answer!" she continued knowingly

Dax gave a self-deprecating laugh "No, my ego, or maybe it was Torias'" she mused thoughtfully for a moment before continuing "I…never thought of it, except to dismiss the idea, I thought that if she felt as strongly about me as I did for her, then her choice would be obvious" she trailed off, turning to face the crowds once more. "She was right; she doesn't have a little Curzon inside of her telling her to be so impulsive, I never gave the sway of Trill law over a person credit for its importance."

Kira regarded her friend "Well, it might be clichéd, but you know what you have to do, right?" she queried, her nose crinkling in amusement, making her already ridged nose become even more emphasised, eyes twinkling gleefully.

Dax looked at her, one eyebrow raised quizzically in a manner reminiscent of Spock and shook her head almost imperceptibly, as if to ask what?

"Go after her of course, you should at least find out why she chose to leave" she paused considering her words "Was it just because of Trill customs and society expectations, or because she wanted to live this life, and not that of her previous host. I mean you are no longer married, if you don't mind me saying so, it is as your laws state re-association." She continued in a rush, wanting to finish what she had to say before Dax chose to take affront.

"You should probably breathe now" replied Dax her eyes beginning to regain their characteristic sparkle. "I think you've given this more thought than I have" she gently chided her friend

"You've not been considering your options, mulling over events in your mind?" asked Kira sceptically her voice rising slightly in question

Dax blushed "Well not during my every waking moment…just through most of them"

Kira rolled her eyes "Thought as much…there's a shuttle leaving for Trill at 0800hrs…and I happen to know that you have an inordinate amount of leave time stored up, we're not busy, facing imminent mortal peril, or anything like that, so why not go see Sisko and get yourself on the ship?"

Trying to get rid of me Nerys?" queried Dax as she resumed her leaning though this time in a more genuinely relaxed manner.

"Never, just trying to help you, you've been floating around the station like a Borhyas ever since Kahn left, and you know as well as anyone that you're going to be about as much use as a Bajoran Moba fruit around here until you've at least done everything possible…even if it doesn't turn out the way you want it to."

Dax let a brief smile at Kira's analogy of her mood grace her features as she continued to cast her eyes over the promenade "Benjamin was suggesting I used some of my leave time whilst Lenara was here, so I'd avoid meeting with her I guess, though he later said he'd support me in whatever decision I made" she mused more for her own benefit than Kira's. She stood "Is he still awake do you think? Benjamin I mean" she qualified at Kira's mildly confused look.

"Doubt it, but he's on Alpha shift this month, so he'll be around by 0600hrs I should imagine, pack now, ask later?" suggested Kira

Dax grinned at her friend then hugged her impulsively causing Kira to laugh. "Thank you Nerys!" she said sincerely "I really needed another head on this one, mine was driving me quietly insane" she added with another Spock like eyebrow quirk though this time in amusement. Kira and Dax spoke for a short while longer, before Dax left to gather her things together and Kira left for bed.


	2. Chapter 2

Packing didn't take very long as either of the possible scenarios Dax could think of for her meeting with Kahn were likely to be brief. She figured that Kahn would either show no interest and refuse to talk to her, or she'd agree to go with her and they'd have to leave swiftly due to exile as the declared punishment by Trill law for the re-association of symbiont's, in an attempt by the Symbiosis commission to ensure that hosts and symbiont's didn't merely repeat their lifetimes and experiences. She made her calculations and reckoned that she'd only be there a week, two at the utmost. Having finished all her preparations she sat by her computer to check her messages, finding one from Commander Sisko she put it up on screen.

"There's a transport ship leaving for Trill in the morning, I suggest you use some of your shore leave and sort out this situation with Dr Kahn, leave a message if you're going to be on it. Good luck Old man!" Dax grinned, seemingly her friends knew her better than she did she left a brief message for Benjamin before signing off, grabbing her bag and making her way over to the correct docking station.

Some 37 hours later, a slightly dishevelled and tired Dax disembarked with the crowd of bodies emerging from the ship, she managed to step quite easily out from the steady stream of Trill's, Bajoran's and Human's surrounding her. She stood for a moment gazing over the sea of heads at the landscape of her home world, if nothing else was to be gained from this trip, at least just seeing the view would make it worthwhile she conceded. She had forgotten how peaceful she often felt amongst her own people. She shook herself out of her brief reverie and realised she had to work out how to locate Kahn, first though she'd find somewhere to stay and then…her mind broke off mid sentence as her brain tried to register what her eyes appeared to be seeing, hoping that it wasn't just an illusion created by a tired mind. As the crowd cleared she could see Lenara Kahn trying to make her way over to where Dax stood transfixed by the approaching sight. Dax's face broke into a grin as she moved towards Kahn. "How did you…?" she started to ask when Lenara was in hearing range, only to be halted mid-sentence as Kahn threw herself into Dax's arms, who caught her reflexively folding her arms around her.

"Oh Dax, I am so sorry, so sorry" she half cried into her shoulder.

Dax grinned contentedly, only to find she was jolted back to reality by being jostled by a fellow passenger, to her great disappointment it seemed that in her exhausted state, she had only imagined Kahn coming to meet her, she shook her head to clear it slightly and stared blankly at her surroundings and sighed heavily. Having been shoved by yet another harried traveller she decided to go with her first plan of action, lodgings then Lenara. She hitched her bag more securely onto her shoulder and set off at a brisk walk, her long legs fairly eating up the terrain, Starfleet issue boots causing the gravel to crunch rhythmically underfoot. Knowing the locale well, it didn't take her long to reach her destination; she looked briefly out at the familiar landscape surrounding the house, before going down the shallow flight of steps to the front door, she knocked on the hard wood and stepped back slightly as she waited, though she didn't have to wait for long. A tall woman though smaller than Dax, with similarly dark hair greying at the temples, and with the same startlingly blue eyes, in azure blue tunic and trousers emphasising the sparkle of her eyes opened the door and stood there for a moment regarding Jadzia quietly.

"Mom" said Dax in a small sad voice

The woman, Kela, smiled up at her tall daughter "Jadzia what a surprise…are you coming in?" she asked concernedly

Dax shuffled her booted feet slightly, "Actually I was wondering if I might stay for a short while, I have something to attend to here on Trill."

"Of course Jadzia, you know you're always welcome!" replied Kela holding open the door for Dax to enter, who had to stoop slightly so as to avoid cracking her head on the door jamb.

"I don't miss having to do that!" she semi-muttered though her mother overheard her.

"No dear, I'm quite sure you don't" she replied with an amused smile before changing the subject "What brings you to Trill? You seem so happy in all your communications…" she trailed off leaving the conversation open for Dax to fill in.

Jadzia turned and faced her mother "It's great to see you Mom" she replied her eyes twinkling in happiness, she paused the light partially fading from her eyes "Mom? I need to talk to you about why I'm here…I'm not sure you're going to like it" she added

Kela regarded her eldest daughter's face carefully, seeing the mixed combination of seriousness, fear and sadness inside the ancient blue eyes looking down on her, then nodded "Very well, go put your bag in your room and I'll make you some of that Klingon coffee you seem to be so fond of"

Dax smiled "Raktajino…and thank you, that would be lovely" she answered as she left for the childhood room; she'd once shared with her sister, Ziranne.

She cautiously gave the bedroom door a shove to open it; it was exactly as she remembered it from her last visit, several years ago now. The two beds stood one at either side of the room, hers sitting just under the window so she could lie in the dappled sunlight of early Trill mornings, as Ziranne had hated that time of day preferring to be submerged in complete darkness for as long as was possible in the morning. The mobile of their solar system hung over her bed still a relic of childhood dreams and desires, despite having always been a fairly serious and hardworking person, she had loved the calming effect of the gently spinning planets, knowing that one day her hard work would pay off and she would leave the planet and explore space for herself. Dax sighed and gave the mobile a tap with her fingers, causing the planets to spin wildly for several seconds before they found a more natural rhythm, rotating round each other. She dumped her bag unceremoniously on her bed, gave one last look around the room and left, making her way eagerly towards the enticing smell of freshly made coffee emanating from the kitchen area.

Two cups of the strong coffee later and Dax had finally finished telling her mother what she now wryly termed 'The saga of Kahn and Dax' Dax watched her mother over the rim of her cup, who was giving the matter some consideration. Finally Kela looked up "It's against Trill society, and you know it!" she began in a gentle but stern voice.

Dax sighed heavily she should of known her mother would take the traditional view, she opened her mouth to argue her case further, only to be stopped by her mother continuing "…but if you love her like you say you do, I mean you came all this way just to talk to her, you obviously haven't given up. Then why are you still sitting here talking to me about it? Shouldn't you be out there 'getting the girl' so to speak?"" she queried her eyes twinkling in a way similar to the way Jadzia's often did, evidence of their familial resemblance.

Dax looked up in shock "But mom…" she trailed off momentarily before changing tack and continuing "If she agrees I probably won't be allowed on Trill again…" she allowed the thought to trail off unfinished, both she and her mother were fully aware of the laws and penalties for breaking them, and there was little need to repeat the point.

"That's likely, yes" her mother agreed "but we can always come up and visit you on that space station of yours now, can we not? That doesn't come under our laws…which are horribly outdated in some respects" she added in a mutter to the tablecloth

Dax drained the last of her Raktajino and stood, as ever mindful of the beams. Her mother regarded her "If I'd have thought my daughter would grow so tall, I'd have suggested we make the house bigger" she said humorously

Dax rolled her eyes good naturedly "Sure mom…I'm off to the science labs, see if Lenara's there, after that I'm not sure where else to try, but if she's as much like Nilani as she seems to be then she's probably the same workaholic." She hugged her mother "Thank you for being so understanding!"


	3. Chapter 3

She left the house swiftly, bounding up the outside steps and made her way to the nearest transporter pad to get her to the science labs. She materialised a few moments later inside the building, shivering momentarily, as the corridors were cool even by Trill standards, though she recalled that the labs were often of a more preferable temperature, the smell of the sterile environment assaulting her senses, she grimaced and moved over to check the nearest site map for the most likely lab candidates, once located she again set off at a brisk walk trying to ignore all the clinks of glass from people's experiments in the labs to either side of her, she bypassing people walking hunched over PADD's reviewing data, muttering to themselves about the variables involved in their works, she continued through the hallways, passing a group of Trill scientists arguing over the application of a new theory, but she continued on towards her goal. The corridors she walked through were surrounded by labs to either side, many with thick glass panelled walls. Strip lighting overhead made the way through the warren like corridors clearer. The ministry exuded an austere and stark environment to those who visited, though they were few, as Dax walked she noted that very little had changed since she had been here last, the scientists who worked here remained almost exclusively Trill, though she did spot a Vulcan on her way through the maze. As she passed one of the labs she saw a younger Trill inside disappear behind a large cloud of acrid smoke, following the resounding explosion that lightly rocked his equipment, she paused a moment to make sure he was unharmed, the smog quickly clearing to reveal a rather shocked looking, yet ecstatic face, evidently the result had been desired, Dax smiled to herself remembering her time spent in the labs working for many hours on projects for her multiple degrees. She continued her search for Lenara, trying to keep the sound of her footfalls to a minimum, knowing that generally the ministry was a quiet place for serious work, many of the scientists disliking any intrusions or interruptions.

She slowed considerably as she came close to her destination, realising she'd come without a plan of action or indeed preparation of any sort. She neared the door of the labs and made to enter, but ended up pacing the corridor outside instead, every so often nervously wiping clammy hands on the leg of her uniform. She'd been outside for at least 20 minutes when the lab doors swished open and Kahn stepped out, Dax however seemingly didn't notice as she continued her nervous pacing, occasionally muttering something inaudible to herself, until a soft voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Jadzia, are you going to come in and talk to me, or would you prefer to stay out here and pace a little more first?" it asked

Dax came to an abrupt halt and turned to come face to face with Lenara Kahn, her mouth gold fished briefly before snapping shut as she regarded her quizzically. "How did you…?"

Kahn raised an eyebrow "The lab has glass walls, remember? I saw you pacing…do I make you that nervous?" she asked as an afterthought tilting her head slightly allowing an almost smile to appear.

Dax's expression softened "No, of course not, being here does, but not you, never you!" she replied then paused "Glass walls?" she asked

Kahn nodded and indicated towards them "Oh, yes"

Dax hid her face in her hands and muttered a choice Klingon expletive "Q'est!"

"Hmm, don't think I know that one, but then I never was very Klingon as you know" she considered thoughtfully "Though I'm starting to think that Curzon was a bad influence on you! You should probably come in, there's only me here Jadzia, despite the glass, it's more private in there than it is out here" she said with a soft smile, briefly tugging on Dax's hand in an effort to persuade her to follow her back inside.

The doors slid closed behind them with a gentle whoosh, as they entered. Kahn moved over to a bench where she had obviously paused in the middle of something "I hope you don't mind if I finish this off, it will only take a few minutes" Dax nodded her head and continued her poking around the lab whilst Kahn finished up her work. Having made sure that Dax was otherwise occupied for the time being, Lenara had turned back to her bench to continue transcribing her last observations from her morning's work, before offering Dax her full attention.

The lab space Lenara had led Dax into, had originally, Dax was sure, been as typically austere and sterile as the other parts of the Science Ministry she had walked through on her way here, though now there was evidence of Lenara and her work. Unlike most of the other labs this one was littered with the work of many years, though in an orderly way if that were at all possible. The benches were laden with PADD's of results, notes, field test information, Holo's of multiple wormholes from around the galaxy were also located around the walls of the lab, managing to hide the blue-grey walls that were standard for the ministry. It was evident from the arrangement of the labs work benches and equipment that this space was shared with Lenara's colleagues Dr Hanor Pren and Dr Bejal Otner. In addition to the multitude of PADD's and Holo's were three consoles, so as to enable the trio of scientists to work independently, yet simultaneously, and allow them all to combine their data more readily. Though there were currently no physical experiments in progress within the lab, there remained the very sterile smell of a laboratory, with the subtle hint of the electrical equipment seeping through.

As Dax's gaze wandered around the room she noted several items that she was sure had once been Nilani Kahn's that the part of her that was still Torias Dax recognised nostalgically, brushing soft fingers reverently over one or two of the items, bringing a smile to her face as she continued her perusal of the space.

She finished her pottering around at the sound of Lenara's voice addressing her, alerting her to the fact that Lenara had now finished her work for the time being, and that the reason for her untimely visit was about to come to the fore.

"It's a great set up you have here" Dax spoke up once Lenara had completed her work and was giving her her full attention.

"Thank you" she replied smiling "but you didn't come here to complement me on my lab space now, did you?" she asked her voice gentling as she spoke

"No" Dax allowed leaning back on a nearby workbench, her hands resting lightly on the smooth surface of the bench and absentmindedly crossing her legs at the ankles "I didn't…you don't seem so surprised to see me" she said "Am I that predictable to you?"

Lenara smiled "No Jadzia, I've never known you to be predictable, nor was Torias for that matter, I just know you're tenacity and single mindedness, and that at the very least you'd want to know why I left"

Dax nodded "I want to know how you could have made that decision, why you made it…were you punishing me, for leaving you, for all those years alone…for dying?" she asked her voice shaking almost imperceptibly.

Kahn looked at her "A part of me was" she conceded unhappily folding her arms over her blue-grey tunic "but not truly, how could I want to punish you for something like that?" she paused unfolding her arms making a gesture of uncertainty "But I don't think we should be having this conversation…" she added partially echoing Dax's words from a few weeks earlier.

"Why not?" asked Dax "At some point we should, and since I'm here, now seems like an ideal time to me!" she subconsciously crossed her arms loosely over her chest, a small frown wrinkling her brow.

"I made my decision Jadzia and I'd hoped you would be able to respect that" she continued in a voice that she hoped would remain strong

"I see" replied Dax somewhat stiffly as she stood up "I'm sorry to have wasted your time Lenara "she paused "I'm staying at my mother's if you feel we have anything further to discuss"

"Dax…Jadzia, please don't be like that, don't leave here so angry, not again" pleaded Lenara her hands reaching out towards her, but Dax was already up and moving for the doors, she swung quickly out of the lab and retreated down the corridor to the transporter pad muttering in Klingon as she went "Hu'tegh baQa!", leaving Kahn standing in the lab alone, with a look of shock on her face. "What have you done Lenara?" she asked herself in a pained whisper as she leaned over onto her workbench head in hands.


	4. Chapter 4

Dax had transported straight back to her mothers and was now sitting in her childhood room in a state of semi-shock, her fingers gently turning the bronze Klingon earrings Lenara had given her whilst aboard DS9. He mother, having already been told of the meetings outcome, came in occasionally to check on her daughter often bringing in tea, in the hopes that her daughter would at least drink it, unsure of what else she could do.

A couple of days later and Jadzia was preparing to return to DS9, a transport ship would be leaving early the next morning and she fully intended to be onboard. The sooner she left the better as far as she was concerned. She paused in gathering up a handful of PADD's, at a knock on her open door.

"May I come in?" asked a familiar voice. Dax looked up briefly, to see Lenara standing in the doorway, before turning her back again "Your mother let me in" she added biting her lip in consternation "I hope that's okay"

Dax shrugged and made a noncommittal noise, though made a motion with her hands for Lenara to come in and take a seat, but otherwise continued her packing. Kahn sat on the bed, her head lowered, hands clasped tightly in her lap leaving them both in an uneasy and somewhat awkward silence, only marred by the sounds of Dax attempting to continue her packing

"Why did you come?" asked Dax in a strained voice a short time later, her back still to Kahn, so she wouldn't see the tears evident on her face "What good do you think it will do?"

Kahn was quiet for some time formulating her reply "Because you deserve a better explanation than I gave you before, you offered up your heart and I trampled on it without at least telling you why, all because I couldn't face the consequences" there was a long pause before her quiet voice continued "because I can't pretend that I don't want to be with you anymore" her voice cracked "that you coming here upset my resolve…or what I thought was my resolve, to adhere to Trill laws, to ignore what my heart was demanding of me" she added with a dry laugh

Jadzia partially turned "You've changed your mind?" she asked a hint of anger evident in her voice "Is that because you truly want to, or because you think it might make this whole mess easier?" she asked "I shouldn't have come, you made your decision and I should have respected that, I don't know what I was expecting out of all this…it was so stupid of me and arrogant, to think my turning up here would make any difference" she continued in a mutter to herself, slinging the PADD's in her hand into the open bag beside her in frustration. She was determined to hold her resolve on the matter, to be angry at Kahn, for it was easier than allowing her emotions to boil over to the surface, for fear of being consumed by them entirely. Finally she turned fully, to find herself mere inches from Lenara who had stood and moved towards her as she had talked, tears falling softly down the woman's face. Dax's heart melted "No, don't cry, oh gods Lenara, please don't cry…" she trailed off softly as she ran her hands over Lenara's hair and used shaking fingers to wipe the tears from her face, even as they moved close their foreheads coming to rest on each others, before embracing fully.

"Oh Dax, I'm so sorry, so very sorry!" Lenara cried into her shoulder

Dax tightened her grip "D'you think it matters now?" she asked softly with a slight smile into Lenara's hair, continuing her soft caress and inhaling her scent "Do you think I care if you couldn't then but will now?" she whispered "All I want is you, whatever else I may have said today, nothing else matters!" They stayed that way for several long minutes, until after awhile Dax pulled away slightly "How did you know where my mother's was?" she asked, the question had been plaguing her for some moments

Lenara looked up at her "You have some good friends on that space station of yours, I was contacted by Major Kira and Commander Sisko…who insisted on calling you 'Old man' she mused thoughtfully to herself "highly strange" she continued "As well as Dr Bashir, anyway, they all sent subspace messages that told me exactly where you were staying, they seemed very insistent that I know" she added a smile quirking her lips

Jadzia smiled briefly "Benjamin was a young friend of Curzon's in his later years, and always called him 'Old Man', I guess he just never saw it as something he ought to change…it's meant as a term of endearment" she explained before continuing "If you were so eager to come and see me before I go, then why did you leave before?" she questioned softly her eyes shining rather too brightly with unshed tears, as they focused somewhere on the floor.

Lenara touched gentle fingers to Dax's chin, raising it until they were looking into each others eyes once more, her gaze flickering searchingly across Jadzia's face. "Because I felt I had to, that I should…but it was never what I really wanted. I felt so pressured by my brother, by Trill society, so much so that I forgot to truly consider what I wanted" she answered finally then paused for a moment letting her fingers delicately graze a trail down Jadzia's spots "which was you" she finished in a whisper her fingers continuing their gentle exploration across the contours of Jadzia's cheek, nose and down over her lips. "How in my right mind could I ever have voluntarily given you up? After all we've been through…in this life and the last?" she asked wondrously

Jadzia allowed a genuine smile to blossom on her face "Really?" she asked "You're willing to face exile from Trill, deny the Kahn symbiont further hosts…for me?"

Kahn looked at her "For us, yes" she replied simply "of course my brother will have a heart attack, but I'm sure he'll get over it." She added in a dry tone

Jadzia smiled even wider "That is…fantastic!" she cried ecstatically, lightly picking Lenara up by the waist and spinning the around in childlike glee before setting her down "Well, not that Bejal will likely have a heart attack!" she added as an amused afterthought before leaning in and kissing her gently. The kiss felt oddly familiar despite their hosts being different, for a part of them both it was as if they were still Nilani and Torias and that nothing had changed, but for the most part they were still Lenara and Jadzia.

Some time later Dax was sitting on her bed in a patch of golden evening sunshine leaning up against the wall, her long legs stretched out in front of her, all thoughts of packing momentarily forgotten a gentle, but satisfied smile gracing her lips as she gazed fondly down at Lenara Kahn who was laying in her lap, her fingers idly rifling through Kahn's fairer hair which had been uncharacteristically turned loose for the time being. She gave a contented sigh, Lenara turned her head to gaze up at her "What is it?" she queried the fingers of her right hand gently tangling themselves with Jadzia's.

"Nothing, I just feel..." she paused searching for the right words, Lenara waited patiently "whole" she finally concluded "Like you said before, when I'm not around you, it feels like a part of me is missing, but with you..." she trailed off not needing to complete a thought felt so strongly by both of them. Kahn smiled and murmured her agreement as Dax bent her head and kissed her. Eventually they fell asleep, happily entangled in each others embrace, contented smiles on both their faces, exhausted from the past few days of emotional turmoil.


	5. Chapter 5

Kela was already pottering around the kitchen, aromas of fresh baking wafting through the house by the time the two sleep tousled women walked in the next morning, their fingers gently intertwined as Dax led Lenara over to a seat at the table. Kela looked genially at them both and smiled, happy to see that everything had resolved itself. "It's strange" she mused "you appear to be like a pair of love struck teenagers" she murmured to them as she sipped her tea "yet, at the same time like an old married couple, I suppose that is an aspect of you both being joined…and having…past history" she raised her eyebrows n question towards Jadzia before continuing, becoming very motherly in tone. "Well, are you going to properly introduce me Jadzia?" she asked gently chiding her daughter.

Dax laughed "your observations, as always are incredibly accurate!" she replied with a raised eyebrow "Mom, this is Dr Lenara Kahn, whom I told you about, Lenara, this is my mother Kela"

The two women regarded each other for a moment before Kela stood and moved around the table to hug the surprised young woman "Welcome to the family my dear" said Kela as she released her.

Having recovered from her brief moment of shock Lenara smiled shyly "Thank you, I can't tell you what that means to me" she replied honestly looking towards Dax with a shy smile whilst ducking her head slightly.

Jadzia stood in the dappled sunlight of a Trill summer surrounded by a semi-wilderness that was her mother's garden, a steaming cup of Ladok, a native Trill drink she hadn't had in years, clasped between long fingered hands. She took a deep breath inhaling the rich array of aromas around her the smell of the grasses, the heat of the sun making the scents stronger, altering them slightly though she still managed to identify several of the plants in the near vicinity, before letting it out in a semi-sigh highly contented with her lot in life. She moved through the high grasses and surrounding vegetation with graceful ease, towards her favourite spot in the garden where she used to go as a child and young adult to sit and contemplate, or when she simply wished to be alone. She ducked slightly as she moved through the overgrown thicket, and then sat with a slight thump once she'd reached her destination. A tall, incredibly leafy and sprawling plant, with thick stems and large umbrella like leaves formed a breezy canopy overhead, both protecting her from the elements and prying eyes, whilst allowing her a clear view of the area. She closed her eyes and lay back amongst the lush vegetation, her Ladok momentarily forgotten, after a moment she cautiously cracked an eye open to check that no-one was watching then gave a very childlike wriggle, lightly drumming her feet on the ground in gleeful abandon. Kahn had agreed to be hers, she sighed peacefully and sat up, and scooted herself back until she rested against the trunk of the overhead tree, she crossed her legs and continued drinking her tea in a manner more suitable for someone who was both 32 and 350 years old.

Lenara stood in the almost subterranean kitchen with Kela a short while later looking out at the garden, hands similarly wrapped around a steaming cup of the Trillian beverage, the familiar spicy aroma enveloping her reassuringly. Her eyes searched briefly for the location of Jadzia, seemingly unable to find her she turned in query to Kela who smiled lightly "Has she vanished?" she asked the younger woman knowingly, Lenara nodded feeling marginally bewildered at having been left with her partners mother, and of her apparent disappearance. Kela placed a calming hand on her shoulder "Don't worry dear, she'll have gone to her happy thinking place, she still believes I don't know about, she used to spend hours there as a child" Lenara smiled at Jadzia's inability to pull one over her mother, even though she was now an adult in her own right, she indicated that she understood and resigned herself to having to wait for Jadzia's return. Kela regarded the younger woman thoughtfully for a moment "I think she'd make an exception for you though…since she is so evidently enamoured with you, just follow the path until you get to the big tree over there with the large umbrella leaves." She pointed it out as she spoke "She's under there!"

Lenara smiled at her "Thank you" she left her cup on the table and made her way out into the garden, finding the path Kela had indicated, she picked her way gingerly through the long grasses letting them gently graze along her skin, making her itch slightly, though she found the feeling quite pleasant until she came under the canopy of the tree. Jadzia was sitting cross legged, her eyes closed and a look of rapt happiness etched across her features in the dappled and rippling sun filtering through the leaves of the plant overhead. Lenara stood in a patch of sunlight. Letting it warm her shoulders for a minute and gazed at the mahogany haired beauty that had chosen her, a smile equal to Dax's graced her face as she regarded her with unfettered adoration. She stayed very still and quiet so she could observe her partner in a rare moment of peace, however, it took only moments for Jadzia to quirk an eyebrow and mutter softly "Lenara" before fully opening her eyes and looking straight over at her, she motioned with a hand for Kahn to join her, patting the grass in front of her invitingly.

Lenara smiled "How did you know I was here?" she queried in hushed tones mindful of their peaceful surroundings as she made her way over to where she was sitting.

"Risian perfume" replied Jadzia "You always did have such a fondness for it" she added as she uncurled her legs, stretching them out before her. Lenara walked over and sat between Dax's legs, her back leaning into the curve of Dax's body who inhaled deeply as she laid her head on Lenara's shoulder "Yup, Risian perfume" she uttered sub vocally. Lenara smiled softly as she kissed the top of Dax's head before resting her fairer one against it. Dax brought her arms round to envelope Kahn in a warm embrace.

"It's the one you gave me a few weeks ago, when I was on the station" she spoke after a short interval of peaceful silence "I hadn't the heart to wear it though before yesterday" she continued "It reminded me too much of what I had been so foolish to give up, of what I thought I could live without" she paused before adding in a soft whisper "I was so wrong, giving you up again was the hardest thing I have ever had to do!"

Dax smiled almost sadly into Kahn's hair "I stood on the promenade for so long, just hoping you wouldn't turn up and then when you eventually boarded, I waited hoping you would come back through the airlock" she said her voice catching "Lenara, I'm so sorry if I was being too pressurising in asking you to stay like that, it was unfair of me to make such a demand of you with so little warning or time to make a decision"

They turned their heads until the were facing each other, Kahn raised her hand and gently almost reverently brushed the dampness from Dax's cheeks "Oh my Dax" she said "My poor Dax" before kissing her gently, before they returned to their original positions, simply revelling in the closeness of each other for a time.

"Jadzia, Lenara…lunch is ready" came Kela's voice from the house a short time later "That is, if you're interested" she added her voice betraying that she was smiling as she spoke.

They untangled themselves and Jadzia stood, holding out an arm for Lenara to take hold of so she could help her up. Jadzia's eyes glinted mischievously, biting her lip lightly in thought for a minute before uttering "Race you!" in childlike joy and scampered off at a light jog leaving Lenara standing amongst the undergrowth for a moment, her face a picture of indecision. Suddenly she shrugged and throwing caution and her usual serious demeanour briefly to the wind, she too set off running, her inner voice chiding her for her childishness all the while as she moved towards the house, catching up to Jadzia in the middle of the lawn area and semi-tackling her taking them both to the ground in a surprised tangle of limbs, their mingled laughter drawing Kela from the house hands on her hips as she regarded the two women.

"What am I going to do with the two of you?" she asked in a mothering tone

Jadzia gazed up at her mother as she pushed some of Lenara's hair off of her own face "Hi Mom" she replied nonchalantly from her horizontal position.

Her mother smiled "Come on little one" she told her tall daughter

Kahn smiled through her embarrassment at being caught in such a position "Little one?" she whispered questioningly into Dax's ear as they extracted themselves from each other once more, standing up and brushing grass from their clothes, Lenara carefully rearranging hair that had come loose as they ran.

Dax shrugged as she gazed down at herself "Well, I was little…once!" she replied with an ironic grin in her defence, before they followed Kela into the house.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day saw Dax and Kahn packed and ready to leave for DS9, they had decided to pre-empt the symbiosis commission's decision to exile them for their reassociation, and Lenara had finally managed to persuade Bejal to arrange the packing up of her things from her home and lab, and to send them on to her new quarters aboard DS9. Dax had spent some time the previous evening talking to her friends Benjamin and Kira to arrange for quarters to be made ready for Lenara along with lab space so she could continue her work on creating artificial wormholes. Now they stood in the queue of people making their way onto the transport shuttle and eventually they were settled into their tiny compartment for the trip back to the station.

Jadzia put her bag up onto the bunk and turned to Kahn, placing her hands on Lenara's upper arms and regarded her seriously "Are you absolutely sure this is what you want Lenara? There can be no backing out at a later date, for Trill will not allow either of us to return again…it's not too late, they don't yet know what we've done, and, if ever there was a time to turn back, to change your mind with no repercussions…well, this would be it!"

Lenara looked at her "Yes my Dax, you are exactly who I want to be with, wherever we are" she replied sincerely, raising a hand to stroke Dax's hair "I know how much it pained you to ask, but, I do appreciate that you were willing to" she paused "As if, I'd ever be able to give you up again now!"

Dax grinned ecstatically, hugging Lenara tightly in a moment of pure unadulterated joy causing Lenara to giggle uncontrollably "I'm glad you feel the same way" she managed to exclaim through her laughter as Dax finally released her "You know, just being around you brings out my more…frivolous side" Kahn added after a moments consideration "You make me realise how serious I can be, and that I don't always want to be like that, to be the person who only has her work in her life…like Nilani!" she continued shyly her voice lowering slightly when she mentioned her previous host.

"I hope that's a good thing?" queried Dax with a questioning look, though her smile belied her seriousness, diffusing a potential situation.

They felt rather than heard the ships engines start up, propelling them smoothly up off the surface of Trill towards the atmosphere, where they would go to warp once the cleared the planet. The two women settled into one of their bunks with PADD's to keep them occupied during the 37 hour trip to DS9, curled up around each other contentedly.

The ship juddered to a halt as the docking clamps from docking bay 4 latched onto the transport ship, the engines shutting down soon after that. Dax and Kahn were already waiting in the airlock, their bags slung carelessly over their shoulders, hands clasped somewhat nervously.

"Does this…situation make you that uncomfortable?" asked Dax turning momentarily to face Kahn, who shook her head in confusion having not totally comprehended what her partner had asked

"What?" she asked distractedly glancing out through the airlock windows, then focused as if having finally heard the question "Why do you ask?"

"Your hand, it's kind of cold…even by Trill standards, and well, you've got a bit of a death grip going on there!" Dax commented trying to keep her tone light though she briefly grimaced in pain "it's not like I'm going to vanish the minute we set foot on the station, I mean duties don't start for another three days!"

Kahn nodded distractedly "Mmm" she murmured

Dax smiled and kissed Lenara's temple "Don't worry about it, everything will be fine…you'll see" then tried not to sigh too audibly in relief as Lenara's stranglehold on her hand lessened as she relaxed.

The airlock began running its cycle to allow them on to DS9, she shifted her bag further on to her shoulder then the door rolled open revealing a small group milling around the docking area waiting for people from off of the transport. Dax stepped off the ship and onto the carpeted deck plates of DS9 leading Lenara. She spotted Kira weaving her way swiftly through the crowd towards them, a smile wrinkling her nose even more than usual, Dax gave Lenara's hand a reassuring squeeze and indicated the approaching figure with a slight incline of her head. Lenara returned the squeeze and inhaled a calming breath, exhaling just as the Major reached them.

Finally Kira made it over to the Trill couple waiting to the side of the crowd and if anything her smile widened as she extended her hand to Lenara "An absolute pleasure to see you again Dr Kahn"

Lenara visibly relaxed as she shook the familiar hand of Kira "Likewise Major, but please, call me Lenara"

Kira laughed and nodded "Of course…if you'll call me Kira!" she replied with an easy smile "After all, we going to be living in the same place, no need to be so formal all the time!" she added raising her eyebrows "Too much pomp and ceremony!" she added in a marginally disgusted tone causing Kahn to smile and nod in agreement.

Meanwhile Dax had watched this interchange with interest, as she shook some feeling back into her rather squashed hand, glad to see that her friend had meant what she had said to Dax before she'd left for Trill, that she supported her decision entirely, that she genuinely liked Kahn was simply a bonus really, though one that was much appreciated. "Hello, great to see you too Nerys!" exclaimed Dax wryly shaking her head in amused disbelief, as the two women had begun to walk away still talking, leaving Dax standing alone in the now emptying waiting area.

Kira turned and hugged her friend "Well, I suppose it's good to see you too Jadzia" she muttered drolly "I'm really happy that it worked out for you my friend" she added in a whisper so only Dax could hear who smiled and tightened her grip momentarily in gratitude.

The three women continued talking as they moved away from the docking area and out onto the main walkways of the station, making their way towards Dax's quarters, so the travellers could finally dispose of their bags and general travelling paraphernalia. Dax turned to her friend at the door "Would you care to join us for dinner tonight?" she asked "Around 2100hrs" she suggested having already discussed the idea with Kahn on their travels up from Trill.

Kira mulled over the idea briefly working out her shift patterns in her head as she did so "I'd love to!" she replied " I'll come by here later then" she added as she made her farewells and left for Ops as the doors finally chimed open and the two women went inside.

The door closed behind them and Dax could see Kahn almost visibly relax as she walked towards her, having already dropped her bag. She sank into the safe embrace of her partner who folded her long arms around her. "You okay?" murmured Dax tightening her hold briefly.

Kahn nodded then sighed "Yes" she replied looking up "I just wasn't prepared to feel as nervous as I did, though I don't know why, I've been here before and met your friends, and I have you…" she trailed off

Dax completed her thought "But they are all my friends in the first place?" she asked and smiled when Kahn nodded into Dax's chest "They'll be your friends too, if you want them that is…Julian and Nerys both really like you, and Benjamin may come across all authoritarian, but he is also my oldest and dearest friend, you are very welcome here Lenara, I would not have brought you otherwise"

"Okay" replied Kahn softly as she relaxed further into Dax's embrace, her qualms eased for the time being.

The door chimed at 2100hours, announcing the arrival of Kira to their quarters. Dax called out to the computer from the bedroom, for Kira to enter, clipping the Klingon earrings, Lenara had given her, to her ears as she did so. She turned to Lenara, who had just come from the bathroom and sat on the bed, knowing that Kira was used to waiting for her and would make herself at home.

Lenara smiled up at her "They suit you" she said indicating to the earrings "I told you they would!" she paused "Are you ready?" she queried. Dax nodded and offered her hand to Lenara so as to pull her up off the low bed and into her arms which folded loosely around her momentarily before releasing her "I'm looking forward to this" she remarked as she drew one of Jadzia's hands to her lips and lightly kissed the knuckles "Shall we?" she asked, indicating for Dax to proceed her as they stepped out of the sleeping area and into the main room, to find Kira having an argument with the replicator.

"No, double sweet…computer, try again…Raktajino, double sweet!" she spoke through gritted teeth her face clearly showing her frustration.

"Something wrong Nerys?" inquired Dax sweetly as she and Lenara moved over to the sofa and sat close, but not so as to make Kira feel left out.

"Your replicator has an issue with its sweetener…abilities" muttered the Bajoran "Hello Lenara" she added after a moment, offering the Trill a warm smile. Lenara inclined her head in greeting though chose not to verbally engage with the fiery Major for the moment, leaving Dax to calm her friend.

"It works just fine" Dax chided gently "You've just got to ask nicely" she added with a grin. Kira glared at Dax, who refused to back down, instead gazing calmly at her friend who eventually turned at the replicator's incessant beeping announcing her revised drink. Kira reached for the chunky cup and sipped cautiously, finding it to her liking she moved over to sit opposite her friends, her mood quickly clearing as they fell into an easy banter.

After Kira left, Dax had sent Lenara off towards the bedroom whilst she tidied away the used crockery from their dinner; she piled the last of the dishes into the replicator for recycling and surveyed the room for any strays, then followed her partner into their bedroom.

Lenara had already changed into her gunmetal coloured sleeping trousers and tunic and was now standing barefoot by the rooms viewing portal, gazing out at the stars seemingly quite content, when Dax walked in, removing her civilian clothing as she did so, trading them for her all black sleep wear similar to Lenara's. She padded up softly behind her partner, snaking her arms around her waist and laying her chin contentedly upon the shoulder in front of her, smiling at their reflection in the portal as Lenara's hands closed warmly over hers. They remained silent for several long moments before Lenara spoke "It's so strange looking out and seeing different constellations…the appearance of perpetual night, do you ever get used to it?"

Dax considered her words "I'm not sure that you get used to it necessarily, but you find other things to replace the daylight. I have a very good holodeck programme collection" she admitted "Including several of Trill" she added reassuringly. She stepped away from her partner slightly and began gently untangling the complex knots of the intricate braid Lenara had painstakingly created that morning, working at them with a rapt concentration until the sandy brown hair was flowing loosely down the back in front of her in a soft wavy curtain. She combed her fingers through it a few times to ensure that there were no remaining tangles, then placed her hands on Lenara's shoulders, spinning her until they faced each other. Dax placed a light kiss upon Kahn's forehead, before leaning down so that their foreheads and the tips of their noses touched.

Lenara reached up and unclasped the silver hair clip holding back Jadzia's mahogany hair back, then led her over to the bed, laying the clasp on the night stand before twitching the covers back and sitting, pulling Jadzia down with her, who willingly crawled in, as they sank into the warmth of each other, Dax called out to the computer to extinguish the lights.

They would have to wait and see how their rejoining affected their lives in the days and weeks ahead, for now though, here in this moment, everything was perfect and they were finally together again the way they felt they ought to be, whatever the views of the symbiosis commission.


End file.
